


Hinobi Chat Log, Day 69

by mandaree1



Category: Glitch Techs (Cartoon)
Genre: A couple of these kids ARE smoking the doobies, Am I Hip With The Kids Yet rip, Gen, Hc that Miko and Lexi both were born outside the US, I'm white correct me if I'm ever offense, Miko being an ADHD icon, Mitch being a Bitch, Not much to tag here other than ShennegiansTM, Phil is Team Dad, Ridley is nonbinary bc I say so, Uuuh god lemme see, Weed Jokes, Will not hurt me in the slightest, Zahra is US born but her grandfather isn't, almost no neurotypical action going on here, chatfic, none of these kids are straight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandaree1/pseuds/mandaree1
Summary: Phil: Alright team, this is the lowdown. I want this chat to be a professional space that we use, foremergencies, in situations where voice calls aren't viable. This is theoneandonlynotification you're allowed to keep on in-store. Got that?Miko:anyone in this thread smoke weedPhil:MikoPhil:JustPhil:Is five minutes too much to ask for
Comments: 87
Kudos: 279





	1. Smoke Weed E'ery Day

-New Chat: Hinobi Logs-

_Ermagherd. **Phil** is here._

_**Zahra** just joined. Can I get a heal?_

_**Five** just arrived. Seems OP - please nerf._

_**Bergy** joined your party._

_Welcome **Mitch**. Leave your weapons by the door._

_A wild **Miko** appeared._

_It's a bird! It's a plane! Nevermind, it's just **Nix.**_

* * *

**Phil:** Alright team, this is the lowdown. I want this chat to be a professional space that we use, for _emergencies_ , in situations where voice calls aren't viable. This is the _one_ and _**only**_ notification you're allowed to keep on in-store. Got that?

 **Miko:** anyone in this thread smoke weed

 **Phil:** Miko  
 **Phil:** Just  
 **Phil:** Is five minutes too much to ask for

 **Miko:** srry srry

 **Zahra:** Question- what if we have to keep the notification off? Like we're in a formal setting or a hard test?

 **Phil:** Just give some warning alright

 **Zahra:** Can do

 **Mitch:** I'm keeping this off

 **Bergy:** For how long?

 **Mitch:** Until I die

 **Phil:** No.

 **Mitch:** yes

 **Phil:** No

 **Mitch:** Plz

 **Phil:** You can keep it on vibrate

 **Mitch:** Fine

* * *

 **Miko:** so can we change the names here

 **Phil:** No

 **Miko:** why not  
 **Miko:** five gets to keep his name  
 **Miko:** why does five get a nickname but we cant

 **Phil:** That's bc that's what it says on his company ID

 **Miko:** plastic is killing the turtles and youre in on it with IDs

 **Phil:** Fine. Just. Keep it so we can easily identify each other.

 **Miko:** yesssssss

- **Miko** changed their name to **Me_K.O.!** -

 **Zahra:** All that fuss to put dots and a slash in

 **Me_K.O.!:** its literally my brand

 **Zahra:** That implies you have a brand  
 **Zahra:** Do you have a TubeTube channel somewhere we should know about  
 **Zahra:** Merch or some crap?

 **Me_K.O.!:** dude i would sell. the best merch

 **Zahra:** Dodging the question

- **Mitch** changed their name to **MitchFTW** -

 **MitchFTW:** If I have to be stuck here I might as well

 **Bergy:** OH MY TURN

- **Bergy** changed their name to **Berger** -

 **Berger:** yessssssss

- **Five** changed their name to **Hi_5** -

 **Me_K.O.!:** that username gets more familiar by the day  
 **Me_K.O.!:** are you sure we never met before the competition

 **Hi_5:** Nope No We Did Not

 **Me_K.O.!:** aw

 **Zahra:** Why do you trust that many capitalizations

 **Me_K.O.!:** i dont i just heart emoji him too much

 **MitchFTW:** Would it kill you to use proper punctuation

 **Me_K.O.!:** do you know how much time that takes  
 **Me_K.O.!:** just feel lucky i can spell alright  
 **Me_K.O.!:** english is a jerk and i stole its lunch money

 **Zahra:** My grandpa is still learning some of the weird words and the other day he asked me what a zipper was  
 **Zahra:** He called it "that weird tooth thing that eats you to warmth"

 **Me_K.O.!:** i still cant say colums  
 **Me_K.O.!:** collumns  
 **Me_K.O.!:** nerds  
 **Me_K.O.!:** STICK FOR BUILDING

 **Berger:** Columns  
 **Berger:** I just tell myself "Cole ate um nums"

 **Me_K.O.!:** BERGY YOU ARE MY GOD NOW

- **Nix** changed their name to **TheScorekeeper** -

 **MitchFTW:** No one is going to call you that

- **TheScorekeeper** changed their name to **Nix** -

 **Nix:** :(

* * *

 **Me_K.O!:** does anyone in this thread smoke weed

 **Phil:** MIKO

 **Me_K.O.!:** IT'S BEEN FIVE MINUTES PHIL

 **Hi_5:** lol


	2. Be Gay Do Crimes

**Zahra:** guys we forgot Haneesh

 **Hi_5:** NERDS

 **Phil:** I didn't forget anything, it was his day off and I wasn't gonna pester him over a discord char

_Ha! **Haneesh** has joined! You activated my trap card!_

**Haneesh:** WOW it rlly took yall that long?  
 **Haneesh:** I see how it is

- **Haneesh** changed their name to **HanYeesh** -

 **Me_K.O!:** i no longer feel bad

 **HanYeesh:** U know what that's fair

 **Zahra:** You're both totally valid and an absolute gremlin all at once

 **HanYeesh:** Me or Miko?

 **Zahra:** Yes.

* * *

 **Zahra:** Anyway back on topic  
 **Zahra:** Do any of you have spray paint

 **Berger:** That was a topic?

 **Zahra:** Sssh i'm being smooth

 **Me_K.O.!:** im technically banned from spray paint but i could prolly dig slme up  
 **Me_K.O.!:** perks of having a ton of soblings

 **Zahra:** Ah, yes, soblings

 **Me_K.O.!:** letters are lame

 **MitchFTW:** Stay in school kids

 **Me_K.O.!:** go back to preening ur stupid backwards mullet you overflooped chicken  
 **Me_K.O.!:** whats the occassion grl

 **Zahra:** New homophobic legislation at my school  
 **Zahra:** I'mma paint a old hijab of mine rainbow in protest  
 **Zahra:** What're they gonna do? Call my mom?

 **Me_K.O.!:** ur doing amazin sweetie  
 **Me_K.O!:** wait dont u go to nicas school

 **Zahra:** Do you have any idea how many kids there are in the average high school

 **Me_K.O!:** nica thinks shes seen you at gsa so unless you have a twin were solid

 **Berger:** Is no one gonna ask why Miko doesnt go to the same school as her sister? There's, like, maybe three schools here?

 **Me_K.O.!:** thats bc nica begged mom not to let me ruin her street cred and mom saved money sending me to the cheaper schppl so she said ye

 **Berger:** Oh.

 **HanYeesh:** That sux man

 **Me_K.O.!:** brb

* * *

 **Zahra:** Guys they called my mom i'm SCREAMING

 **HanYeesh:** oh RIP

 **MitchFTW:** f

 **Hi_5:** Your mom's cool right?

 **Zahra:** Oh yeah totally  
 **Zahra:** I told her I was doing this last night and she got this "what have I raised" look on her face before telling me to have fun  
 **Zahra:** my history teacher brought me down and was like "maybe we should just take off her-" and like TEN school administrators yelled at him it was great

 **HanYeesh:** Man why is it always history teachers

 **Hi_5:** I mean they do get paid to wax poetic abt ppl like Columbus

 **Zahra:** HOLY SHIT MIKO IS HERE

 **Hi_5:** WHAT

 **Zahra:** SHE PUT THE BI FLAG IN HER HAIR AND WORE A TRANS PRIDE SHIRT  
 **Zahra:** THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE  
 **Zahra:** SHE'S TALKING TO THE ASSISTANT AND THE POOR WOMAN IS HAVING AN ANEURYSM

 **Phil:** Don't swear in the company chat  
 **Phil:** Also shouldn't you all be in school  
 **Phil:** Trying not to die or whatever

 **HanYeesh:** We can multi task

 **Berger:** Yeah ur not our dad

 **Phil:** Bergy when you get home you gk directly to your room.

 **Berger:** Yessir sorry sir

* * *

 **Me_K.O.!:** check it ooouuutttt  
 **Me_K.O.!:** _(thinkshelikesgirls)_

 **Zahra:** Did you seriously title that selfie after the Metro Station song?

 **Me_K.O.!:** why not girls are cute  
 **Me_K.O.!:** u are grl  
 **Me_K.O.!:** i am grl  
 **Me_K.O.!:** we are cute

 **HanYeesh:** U can't argue logic like that

 **Berger:** The bi stripes look really cool, Miko! Were they hard to do?

 **Me_K.O.!:** sooooooo hard mboi but so worth it  
 **Me_K.O.!:** nica better start forgetting her lunch more often that was hilarious

 **Hi_5:** Nica doesn't carry a lunch

 **Me_K.O.!:** and phooey on her for it  
 **Me_K.O.!:** i slaved over that leftovers box for a solid five min five  
 **Me_K.O.!:** i even put a good luck fruit rollup in there

 **MitchFTW:** They really let you in?  
 **MitchFTW:** You're a living example of what NOT to let on school grounds

 **Me_K.O.!:** let in elbowed the security guard and ducked in  
 **Me_K.O.!:** potato assault charges

 **MitchFTW:** Oh, right, right. Pipsqueak.

 **Me_K.O.!:** u die in five days

 **MitchFTW:** Your memory doesn't last that long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't draw but if I could I'd 100% have a little selfie with Zahra wearing a pride hijab and Miko with bi stripes with their arms around each other, Miko sticking her tongue out and doing a peace sign, Zahra looking smug and a little blushy bc FRIEND HELP.
> 
> My once-a-fanfic reminder that I am white! And if I ever portray things like hijabs wrong PLEASE don't hesitate to say smth. I looked up if it was okay to dye a hijab and all google gave me was etsy pages. Tumblr says yes but tumblrs not exactly Prime Factoid Land. I write these stories to have fun with characters I love, not to be racially insensitive.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	3. Viddy Games

**Phil:** Anyone wanna tell me why almost all my trucks are at a location that isn't showing any glitchs?

 **Me_K.O.!:** hrrrnnnnggg  
 **Me_K.O.!:** viddy games

 **Phil:** I already figured THAT.

 **Zahra:** Five found an old Game Stop that's running a contest for a genesis

 **Phil:** I thought Game Stop died before you lot were born  
 **Phil:** And the genesis isn't even that good it's got like four decent games on it

 **Zahra:** Oh we know, we're just bored and competitive  
 **Zahra:** Bergy, Haneesh, and Nix are still patrolling, so it's all good

 **Nix:** do you know how many kids at the arcade try to tell me mario was the best game ever created  
 **Nix:** not to sound elitist but there's a reason Nintendo sticks to shoddy motion controls these days

 **Berger:** I wanted to stay but first person to lose has to buy Spaghetti in a Bucket and I don't have that coin right now

 **HanYeesh:** I just hate Game Stop on principle tbh, they shoulda hired me when they had the chance

 **Phil:** Yeah yeah screw capitalism we know  
 **Phil:**...So who's winning

 **Zahra:** Who do you think?

 **Hi_5:** I died already, but only bc Zahra is doing some dark magic level cheats or smth  
 **Hi_5:** Just means I get first pick of the fast food!

 **Zahra:** It's called being good at viddy games Five

 **Hi_5:** WOW  
 **Hi_5:** Rude =(  
 **Hi_5:** Mitch is doing his usual "I dont know these weirdos" routine but he also really wants The Spaget so he keeps walkkng by like "I hate ur face" -snatches a pan of lasagna- "you newbs dont know nothing" -grabs 15 garlic bread sticks-

 **Zahra:** I don't think Miko? Has blinked? Once? Since she got to the controls?

 **Hi_5:** lol yeah she gets like that when she's in focus mode

 **Phil:** I can't believe I'm paying you to do this.

* * *

 **Hi_5:** Update- Mitch is on our side now  
 **Hi_5:** I guess he got sick of pretending to be not a douche in public

 **MitchFTW:** Do you know how rare it is for people to recognize me in public for my old tweak persona  
 **MitchFTW:** Especially at some run-down Game Stop?

 **Hi_5:** We are literally. Five feet away from each other.

 **MitchFTW:** I refuse to give them the satisfaction

 **Phil:** Lemme guess, they slighted your pride?

 **Zahra:** Some kids walked by and said "hey, isn't that that old tweak streamer?" and when Mitch almost exploded with excitement the other one laughed and said "with that 'stache? The only thing he's streaming is Nice Guy Rants"

 **HanYeesh:** THEY WENT FOR HIS _LIFE_

 **MitchFTW:** Friendship is meaningless and only gets in the way

 **Nix:** ow the edge  
 **Nix:** Aren't you and Zahra friends?

 **MitchFTW:** Friendship is meaningless OUTSIDE OF work relationships that are beneficial to my career  
 **MitchFTW:** Ergo Zahra is the closest thing to a "bestie" I will ever require

 **Zahra:** I must've been a horrible person in a past life

 **Hi_5:** Miko is doing her Excitement Wiggles and can't come to the phone rn but I'm pretty sure she and Mitch are basically the only real competition left

 **MitchFTW:** She's playing as that electric rat she's basically asking to get gud

 **Zahra:** Pichu, Mitch  
 **Zahra:** It's a pichu

 **MitchFTW:** It's a knockoff Flunky Quest.

 **Berger:** I always liked playing those games for the apricorn and berry collecting  
 **Berger:** I love having little berry plants all over the region

 **MitchFTW:** It's an animal fighting simulator Bergy  
 **MitchFTW:** Not Stardew Valley

 **Berger:** It can be both

* * *

 **Phil:** So who won?

 **MitchFTW:** N O O N E

 **Me_K.O.!:** Mike motherflipping Simms

 **Phil:** Lemme guess  
 **Phil:** You and Mitch got so busy fighting each other this Mike came in and got you both at once

 **MitchFTW:** IT WAS A CHILD  
 **MitchFTW:** MITCH WILLIAMS DOES NOT LOSE TO A CHILD

 **Zahra:** Aw, suck it up. It's not like anyone's gonna remember that time you got your butt whooped at a Game Stop  
 **Zahra:** Except for us.  
 **Zahra:** We will always remember it.

 **MitchFTW:** I hate all of you and I'm not reinbursing the lasagna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aksmdoclsodkcos no shade towards the companies/games mentioned I just find it hilarious that, if Hinobi is top-ranked in games and consoles, then the others must've just. Tanked along the way somewhere.
> 
> All jokes aside I'm not over the main fast food in this world being spaghetti. Why.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	4. Mitch is... Helpful????

**Me_K.O.!:** phil can u adopt me  
 **Me_K.O.!:** ill get u an extra large vanilla shake from The Spaget

 **Phil:** Add an extra order of garlic on my pasta and I'll give anyone who asks a long sob story about how you look extra like your deceased mother which has led to awkward ties between us  
 **Phil:** Hence why I never pick you up from school

 **Me_K.O.!:** yessssssssssss  
 **Me_K.O.!:** phil ilu

 **Zahra:** I have to Mom Friend a little here bc I contain the actual braincell in this group but feel free to like. Say nothing if you aren't comfortable.  
 **Zahra:** Everything a-okay at home?

 **Me_K.O.!:** ye its fine  
 **Me_K.O.!:** my parents just dont really get how i work????  
 **Me_K.O.!:** they want me to focus so theyre like 'lets remove her viddy games'  
 **Me_K.O.!:** so they undownloaded a bunch of my favorite hinobi games and i lost my saves

 **Zahra:** Oh dude that SUCKS  
 **Zahra:** Did they realize what they were doing???

 **Me_K.O.!:** nah prolly not  
 **Me_K.O.!:** my dad is considered the tech whizz of my rents bc he can log into wifi  
 **Me_K.O.!:** so now im resorting my viddy games into their proper titles and redownloading and uuuugggghhhh  
 **Me_K.O.!:** i can focus even LESS now

 **Nix:** Mission failed we'll get them next time  
 **Nix:** You wanna drop by the arcade? I know fixing up the machines helps sometimes

 **Me_K.O.!:** i mean i DO but i'd stick my head under one of them and immediately forget How To Do

 **Nix:** Understandable have a nice day  
 **Nix:** i've got a few that're wigging out so i'll put them in back for you

 **Me_K.O.!:** ur good ppl nix

 **Nix:** honestly ur saving my bosses money  
 **Nix:** so they're like. More than down to let you come in and fix them whenever

 **Zahra:** I know this is basically common sense but  
 **Zahra:** Have you tried explaining it to your parents?  
 **Zahra:** Like 'hey I know what you think you're doing is good but viddy games are helpful stims for me and you're making it worse?'

 **Me_K.O.!:** helpful what

 **Zahra:** Stims  
 **Zahra:** You know, focusers?  
 **Zahra:** They help a lot with things like your ADHD

M **e_K.O.!:**...  
 **Me_K.O.!:** my WHAT

 **Zahra:** Oh fudgesicles  
 **Zahra:** Sorry Miko  
 **Zahra:** I thought you were, like, diagnosed????  
 **Zahra:** Since ur family is so worried about your focus I just figured it was them trying to be supportive

 **Me_K.O.!:** they worry abt my focus bc im bad at focusing  
 **Me_K.O.!:** not bc i have a brain thing  
 **Me_K.O.!:** wait DO i have a brain thing?

 **Zahra:** I am by no means a professional here  
 **Zahra:** I'm just a kid who specced healing and hacking then decided 'screw this' and got a big ol' sniper  
 **Zahra:** But if you came up to me and said "so a doctor told me I have ADD/ADHD" I would be like. Yeah alright. I support you but this is not news. Love you.

 **Me_K.O.!:** FIVE DO I HAVE A BRAIN THING

 **Hi_5:** How dead would I be if I said probably

 **Me_K.O.!:** FIVE

 **Hi_5:** It's okay, I promise!  
 **Hi_5:** I'm on the spectrum myself  
 **Hi_5:** Pretty sure Zahra is too?

 **Zahra:** Yup.

 **Me_K.O.!:** PHIL!?!?!?!?!

 **Phil:** Miko, I'm your boss.  
 **Phil:** It's incredibly unprofessional for me to "diagnose" you in any aspect of the term

 **Me_K.O.!:** ok but like  
 **Me_K.O.!:** but as my adopted dad

 **Phil:** Sweetie you take after ur imaginary mother  
 **Phil:** She had ADHD out the ears

 **Me_K.O.!:** NERDS  
 **Me_K.O.!:** hang on im looking this up

 **Zahra:** Miko I promise you I did not intend to make you feel like this  
 **Zahra:** I might have the braincells in this chat but that's like. Not a LOT of braincells  
 **Zahra:** Your own personal comfort is what matters here

 **Me_K.O.!:** WAIT DOES NOT EVERYONE HEAR EVERYTHING AT ONCE  
 **Me_K.O.!:** LIKE YOU ALL CAN JUST. DECIDE NOT TO HEAR A THING????????

 **MitchFTW:** That's a person to person thing.  
 **MitchFTW:** I can tune you lot out pretty well  
 **MitchFTW:** A lot of kids with focusing issues deal with sensory overload. They tend to hear/feel/see All The Things, but to the point it's distracting and you can't focus.  
 **MitchFTW:** Ever be watching a TV show and you can't focus bc the static noise keeps catching your ear? Things like that.

 **Me_K.O.!:** I thought everyone heard that static whine?????????

 **MitchFTW:** Depends on the person  
 **MitchFTW:** Stimming can be all sorts of things, from video games to those stupid little dances you do. It's just a natural way of dealing with overstimulation.

 **Me_K.O.!:** huh

 **Hi_5:** I'm sorry am I dying???  
 **Hi_5:** Is Mitch... being useful?

 **MitchFTW:** Hey now  
 **MitchFTW:** Look I may be a douchenozzle  
 **MitchFTW:** I take great pride in that  
 **MitchFTW:** But ableism is bullcrap and imo really lazy  
 **MitchFTW:** I could craft better burns out of my pinkie toe

 **Zahra:** Guys is this growth  
 **Zahra:** Are we witnessing growth

 **MitchFTW:** It's called CLASS and unlike you punks I EXUDE it

 **Zahra:** Ah nevermind  
 **Zahra:** I am sorry Miko

 **Me_K.O.!:** nonononono its okay  
 **Me_K.O.!:** im just surprised I guess?  
 **Me_K.O.!:** i didnt think my weird brain stuff had a title  
 **Me_K.O.!:** like I knew those terms but i didnt realize they applied to me?

 **MitchFTW:** It's the era of internet blueberry  
 **MitchFTW:** They've got terms for every-fudging-thing these days

 **Me_K.O.!:** thats so weirdly comforting  
 **Me_K.O.!:** id say thank you but ur smug face would ruin it

 **MitchFTW:** Touche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like tfw u get a name put to your weirdness tbh. I was like fourteen? And I was infodumping to my mom (she used to work with ppl with various mental/physical disabilities, so she knew a lot of this stuff) and I said smth like "You know that weird way my brain does the thing" and without pause she said "Your Asperger's? Yeah." and that's how I found out I was on the spectrum lol.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	5. TFW

**Nix:** Why are ppl Like That abt eye contact  
 **Nix:** Actually no  
 **Nix:** Why are _baby boomers_ Like That abt eye contact

 **Me_K.O.!:** i literally have no idea  
 **Me_K.O.!:** do i need to beat someone up for you bro

 **Nix:** No, it wasn't like... KarenTM  
 **Nix:** Just had an older guy come in with his grandson and ask a lot of questions  
 **Nix:** Which is cool but he kept doing that hting where they're like "Look Into My Soul Child"

 **Zahra:** Ew  
 **Zahra:** I get the odd betty who tries to use eye contact to be intimidating while demanding to speak to the manager, not knowing Phil is even worse about that

 **Phil:** I haven't made eye contact with a customer in twenty years

 **Zahra:** God I wish that were me

 **HanYeesh:** As one of the few neurotypicals in this chat, I actually have an answer to that!  
 **HanYeesh:** Older folks see it as showing you they care what you're saying and they're Focusing  
 **HanYeesh:** Meanwhile a lot of younger gen are used to not having nearly as much eye contact due to social media and internet  
 **HanYeesh:** Also theres a lot more awareness towards that sort of thing so ppl dont feel like they HAVE to anymore

 **Hi_5:** Ok but like... why  
 **Hi_5:** You can get so much done while talking to someone?  
 **Hi_5:** I've had ppl get made at work bc i wasn't looking while they talked and like  
 **Hi_5:** maam  
 **Hi_5:** do you want your taco to taste good or not

 **MitchFTW:** This is why I refuse to do customer service  
 **MitchFTW:** That and I'm clearly worth better

 **Zahra:** naughty noobs who disrespect customer service workers get hair dye in their gel when they sleep again

 **MitchFTW:** See you give me warning and then five weeks later will wonder why I no longer sleep

 **Zahra:** The red bull will run out eventually Williams

 **HanYeesh:** Or his heart

 **MitchFTW:** I think we all know it'll be my heart

 **Me_K.O.!:** fun fact in japan prologuned eye contact can be seen as rude so you're supposed to glance and then look at whereever eye level is  
 **Me_K.O.!:** could not tell you my moms eye color dudes

 **HanYeesh:** But your dad is american right  
 **HanYeesh:** Did he just. Not tell you.

 **Me_K.O.!:** i mean he DID but i was busy doing the wiggle as a kid to listen  
 **Me_K.O.!:** and its not like nica was ever into eye contact either so mom just let it slide

 **Zahra:** Local Teen Stimmed Out of Existence, More at Six  
 **Zahra:** Wait but why does Nica keep popping up as like  
 **Zahra:** The ExampleTM  
 **Zahra:** I saw her run into a wall two days ago

 **Me_K.O.!:** cause shes oldest and adapted easiest when we moved here  
 **Me_K.O.!:** we both knew english bc dad but she blended in easier than i did  
 **Me_K.O.!:** so mama used her as like the poster child of Being Murican  
 **Me_K.O.!:** which is funny bc we all know lexi is the real breadwinner in this fam

 **Zahra:** Ahhhh yeah gotcha  
 **Zahra:** I'm like that for my grandpa rn, which is. Really weird.  
 **Zahra:** I appreciate his faith in me but I was born here.  
 **Zahra:** Idk what the longest river is good sir

 **Hi_5:** The one with the ss

 **Zahra:** Missippi?  
 **Zahra:** Mississipppi  
 **Zahra:** Nerds.

 **MitchFTW:** No  
 **MitchFTW:** Missouri

 **Me_K.O.!:** bless you

 **Hi_5:** Honestly for me it's kind of the opposite problem?  
 **Hi_5:** I use Spanish more than English at home and when I forget a word you can TellTM

 **Me_K.O.!:** can confirm  
 **Me_K.O.!:** called him early the other day for a ride and he did not know what the brake was

 **Hi_5:** I am not. Good in mornings.  
 **Hi_5:** I think I worried some ppl at the traffic light when I started making noodle breaking motions and was like "It's this! But for feet!"

 **Zahra:** Rip

 **Hi_5:** No, crunch

 **Zahra:** How dare you dad joke me

 **Berger:** Things I've learned today- eye contact is stupid and so is the english language

 **Me_K.O.!:** Correct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am. Very white lol. But I had the pleasure of growing up close with a hispanic family as a child, and the father was working on getting his citizenship (I think he was on a work visa? I was ten, I didn't ask a lot of questions- and it wasn't exactly my place to know) and I remember how much English frustrated him. Because English sucks. Also so does the citizenship test.
> 
> Also felt the need to vent some random Autistic Feels bc why not. Ppl are so dang insistent on eye contact. It makes job interviews really hard sometimes.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	6. RIP Phil

**LordDad42069:** So  
 **LordDad42069:** Anybody wanna explain this to me

 **Berger:** I'm not professional sir, but I suspect it's a meme

 **LordDad42069:** Thanks, Bergy

 **Berger:** Anytime, sir

 **Nix:** I just want to say I peeked at this during work and had absolutely no idea what was going on

 **Me_K.O.!:** looks like skmeone profesed tgat phil is their lord and dad savior  
 **Me_K.O.!:** and also that they like weed

 **MitchFTW:** The icon really ties it all together doesnt it?  
 **MitchFTW:** No one tell him

 **LordDad42069:** hey i might be older but i'm still a millennial  
 **LordDad42069:** I know who Pepe is  
 **LordDad42069:** Zahra

 **Zahra:** Phil

**LordDad42069: Zahra**

**Zahra:** Phil, sir?

 **Hi_5:** You ARE our hacker

 **LordDad42069:** _Zahra_.

 **Zahra:** And you are completely justified in suspecting me bc of that  
 **Zahra:** HOWEVER  
 **Zahra:** I would've thought of smth funnier.

 **LordDad42069:** Miko

 **Me_K.O.!:** bold of u to assume i know how to computer that well

 **Nix:** you fix arcade games as a hobby

 **Me_K.O.!:** completely different kind of tech  
 **Me_K.O.!:** if it isnt viddy game i have no clue

 **LordDad42069:** Mitchell

 **MitchFTW:** are u seriously just gonna go down the list until someone confesses

 **LordDad42069:** I know u like old memes mitchell

 **MitchFTW:** by that logic i'd have to see u as a father figure and like weed  
 **MitchFTW:** i do neither of these things

 **LordDad42069:** I dont say anything bc i know u arent smoking on company grounds but  
 **LordDad42069:** I know what a dugout looks like Mitchell

 **MitchFTW:** oh.

 **HanYeesh:** RIP

 **MitchFTW:** That aside, it wasn't me  
 **MitchFTW:** I have more class than that

 **Zahra:** He would've used Spongebob

 **MitchFTW:** I would've used Spongebob

 **LordDad42069:** **Zahra**

 **Zahra:** Just because I know my coworkers memeing habits DOESN'T mean I did this to you

 **Hi_5:** Idk Zahra that's kinda sus

 **Zahra:** Ur just mad I vent-killed you yesterday.

 **Hi_5:** You left! My son! Alone!

 **Zahra:** He'll grow up into a big stronk batbean it's fine

 **Hi_5:** IT IS **N O T** FINE

 **LordDad42069:** ZAHRA

 **Zahra:** W H A T

 **LordDad42069:** I do not like knowing that someone can hack into my personal accounts  
 **LordDad42069:** Can you please... Find Them

 **Zahra:** Sir  
 **Zahra:** Are you  
 **Zahra:** Are you asking me to use my hacking skills  
 **Zahra:** Specifically fine tuned to hunt glitches  
 **Zahra:** To decipher who pranked you?

 **LordDad42069:** I just wanna know who to ground before resetting my passwords alright

 **Zahra:** Is that even legal?

 **LordDad42069:** Idk?

 **MitchFTW:** Don't use slang u grandpa its cringy

 **Zahra:** Sorry sir but ur outta luck regardless  
 **Zahra:** All I could tell you is where the computer was  
 **Zahra:** Which is like. All of us in this building have wi-fi.

 **LordDad42069:** FUUUUUUUUUU

 **MitchFTW:** Somehow you using older memes is even cringier

* * *

-Chat: AbsoluteModMan-

 **Me_K.O.!:** He's losing his mind  
 **Me_K.O.!:** You're the best thing to ever happen to me

 **Geoform_187:** ye I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever! Work has been kicking my butt and I had this sitting, half-finished, in my docs for ages.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	7. Gay Vibes = Borbs

**Berger:** hnnnngggg  
 **Berger:** why are boys  
 **Berger:** like that

 **Me_K.O.!:** yeah why ARE boys like that  
 **Me_K.O.!:** but like  
 **Me_K.O.!:** in what way

 **Berger:** aksmdoclsodkcosldocskock

 **Zahra:** Ah, yes  
 **Zahra:** The keysmash way

 **Berger:** THEY'RE! ALL! SO! CUTE!  
 **Berger:** AAAAA?!

 **MitchFTW:** Back in my day we were grown-ups abt it  
 **MitchFTW:** Court the boys  
 **MitchFTW:** idk do a fracking peacock dance

 **Zahra:** Mitch "back in the day" you thought axe body spray was the answer to all your problems

 **MitchFTW:** And I was right  
 **MitchFTW:** I attracted many of The Boys

 **Zahra:** I know ur type is toxic masculinity but they'd eat bergy alive  
 **Zahra:** At least give him a chance

 **Berger:** Rude but fair  
 **Berger:** A dude in my algebra class did the nae nae and I died

 **Zahra:** Died, like, cringing?  
 **Zahra:** Or...

 **Berger:** HE'S SO COOL

 **Zahra:** Ah.

 **HanYeesh:** I support you bro  
 **HanYeesh:** Love who u wanna love  
 **HanYeesh:** But um...maybe at least get somebody who does fortnite dances

 **MitchFTW:** Reach for the stars

 **Nix:** Listen man a peacock is nice and all  
 **Nix:** But what you really need is a bowerbird

 **MitchFTW:** Ah, yes, nothing says true love like a pile of sticks  
 **MitchFTW:** It's just like the meme hieroglyphs said  
 **MitchFTW:** boys love sticks

 **ME_K.O.!:** ur both wrong  
 **ME_K.O.!:** u need an ally and you need to cuddle and love him

 **MitchFTW:** That DISGRACE almost let me fall off a cliff the other day, I'll remind you

 **Me_K.O.!:** YOU DIDN'T GIVE HER GOOD JOB PATS  
 **Me_K.O.!:** WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

 **MitchFTW:** A GLITCH PET TO WORK PROPERLY  
 **MitchFTW:** Phil, Miko's pet is clearly malfunctioning and needs repair  
 **MitchFTW:** AGAIN

 **LordDad42069:** Miko, your report on this matter

 **Me_K.O.!:** yessir lorddad sir

 **LordDad42069:** I WILL figure out how to change this and I WILL ground whoever did this  
 **LordDad42069:** Anyways continue

 **Me_K.O.!:** ally is a simple borb  
 **Me_K.O.!:** she doesnt require all those fancy powerups and such to keep going  
 **Me_K.O.!:** she only wants fruit and pats  
 **Me_K.O.!:** i supply the fruit on a daily basis, meeting one of her needs  
 **Me_K.O.!:** leaving my coworkers to help with her other one, attention

 **Me_K.O.!:** in conclusion; pat the borb

 **MitchFTW:** Phil you can't be taking this seriously

 **LordDad42069:** I mean she makes a good argument Mitch  
 **LordDad42069:** Like it or not pets are a lot cheaper than glitching out cherries every day

 **MitchFTW:** PHIL

 **LordDad42069:** Pet the dang borb, Williams.

 **MitchFTW:** FINE  
 **MitchFTW:** But I won't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this'll be the last one for awhile! Until a season three comes or I get in the mood for a rewatch, anyway. =)
> 
> -Mandaree1


	8. Who hurt Bergy's parents anyway

- **Me_K.O.!** changed **Berger'** s name to **Traitor** -

 **Me_K.O!:** BERGY I'M CALLING YOU OUT

 **Nix:** wait we can change each other's names?????

 **LordDad42069:** oh dear god

- **Nix** changed **Zahra** 's name to **6.02×10** -

 **Nix:** hehehe  
 **Nix:** chemistry

 **6.02X10:** permission to cuss on the company chat sir

 **LordDad42069:** You may cuss  
 **LordDad42069:** ONCE.

 **6.02X10:** you little BITCH  
 **6.02X10:** did you seriously just nickname me for my mole?????  
 **6.02X10:** USING MATH?

 **Nix:** I love you Zahra

- **6.02X10** changed **Nix** 's name to **LittleBitch** -

 **LittleBitch:** This is homophobia =(

- **HanYeesh** changed **LittleBitch** 's name to **Fucker** -

 **HanYeesh:** no THIS is homophobia

 **Fucker:** SIR I AM BEING BULLIED

 **LordDad42069:** One swear. One.

 **HanYeesh:** yessir

- **HanYeesh** changed **Fucker** 's name to **nerd-**

 **nerd:** this is much worse  
 **nerd:** at least capitalize it

 **HanYeesh:** ( _BugsBunnyNo_ )

 **Traitor:** wait what did I do  
 **Traitor:** I was watching livestreams of that bug food game that looks so cute  
 **Traitor:** god I want a hinobi 5

 **MitchFTW:** I still think it's ridiculous we can't have a Hinobi 5 at a discount  
 **MitchFTW:** We are literally the lifeblood of this company

 **6.02X10:** This isn't a tweak unboxing video mate

 **MitchFTW:** I got paid better doing tweak streams  
 **MitchFTW:** Nice name btw

- **6.02X10** changed **MitchFTW** 's name to **Cockadoodledick** -

 **LordDad42069:** I feel obligated to state that is a second Extra Swear

 **6.02X10:** Sorry sir

- **6.02X10** changed **Cockadoodledick** 's name to **Cockadoodledofus** -

 **LordDad42069:** Better

 **Me_K.O.!:** SIX MONTHS  
 **Me_K.O.!:** I'VE WORKED HERE FOR SIX MONTHS

 **Cockadoodledofus:** did someone finally tell her those plants are fake

 **Me_K.O.!:** I HAD FAITH IN YOU  
 **Me_K.O.!:** I TRUSTED YOU  
 **Me_K.O.!:** _**CECIL**_

 **6.02X10:** oh rip  
 **6.02X10:** Did we forget to tell you guys?

 **Traitor:** In my defense  
 **Traitor:** Cecil is a terrible name

 **Me_K.O.!:** I'VE THOUGHT YOUR PARENTS NAMED YOU BERGY FOR SIX MONTHS  
 **Me_K.O.!:** I'VE SPENT SIX MONTHS PITYING YOU

 **Traitor:** LIKE CECIL IS BETTER  
 **Traitor:** CECIL IS THE NAME OF A TROUBLED VICTORIAN BOY WITH A DELICATE CONSTITUTION

 **Cockadoodledofus:** So... you.

 **Hi_5:** I just went to the bathroom in class bc I felt my phone vibrating off the hook and thought it was an emergency what the heckle is going on

 **Cockadoodledofus:** just text in class it's not that hard

 **Hi_5:** Wait I just caught up THIS IS AN EMERGENCY  
 **Hi_5:** BERGY HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

 **Traitor:** YOU GO BY _FIVE_

 **Hi_5:** YEAH BUT EVERYONE KNOWS MY NAME IS HECTOR  
 **Hi_5:** MIKO KNEW

 **Me_K.O.!:** I, in fact, did not know prior to getting fnafed  
 **Me_K.O.!:** music is right all men are liars

 **Hi_5:** WHAT  
 **Hi_5:** I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

 **Me_K.O.!:** I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOUR ABUELA'S NAME UNTIL LIKE A WEEK AGO

 **nerd:** Disasters, the lot of you  
 **nerd:** You know what no, I can't handle this defamation of character

- **nerd** changed their name to **Scorekeeper** -

 **Cockadoodledofus:** no one is going to call you that

 **Scorekeeper:** I've made my peace with it

- **Cockadoodledofus** changed their name to **MitchFTW** -

 **MitchFTW:** Can't rise above perfection

 **Scorekeeper:** -gagging noises-  
 **Scorekeeper:** Zahra can I pick your new name

 **6.02X10:** After you brought this into my home??

 **Scorekeeper:** It won't be a mole joke I promise  
 **Scorekeeper:** Or a reference to the number of mol being used as a mole joke

 **6.02X10:** Fine.  
 **6.02X10:** But if this is bad I'm hacking your socials and posting photos of last years halloween party

 **Scorekeeper:** love you

- **Scorekeeper** changed **6.02X10** 's name to **AnaFromOverwatch** -

 **AnaFromOverwatch:** You know what  
 **AnaFromOverwatch:** better than I thougth it was gonna be

 **Me_K.O.!:** thats it im going on nickname strike  
 **Me_K.O.!:** legal and preferred names only  
 **Me_K.O.:** hector and cecil are on thin flipping ice

 **Hi_5:** You realize how easy it is to turn that on its head tho right

 **Me_K.O.!:** explain

 **Hi_5:** Meeks

 **Me_K.O.!:** touche nieves

 **MitchFTW:** Do I spy ammo

 **Me_K.O.!:** i will steal your shins

- **Traitor** changed their name to **Bergalicious** -

 **Bergalicious:** Give it your best shot I won't answer

 **AnaFromOverwatch:** So now you know the darkest secret of hinobi  
 **AnaFroMOverWatch:** The name Cecil Bergoch

 **Me_K.O.!:** HIS LAST NAME IS W _HAT_

 **AnaFromOverwatch:** oh rip  
 **AnaFromOverwatch:** I'd start running Bergy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was absolutely done with these for the moment but then some anon came in and was like "hey you know Bergy's name is Cecil right" and I felt the need to be dramatic about it lol.
> 
> -Mandaree1

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely random and I dunno how far it will/won't go, but I have a couple of ideas, so at least 3-4 chapters!
> 
> -Mandaree1


End file.
